ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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