Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
