I puked a lego.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize