I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
