So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
