Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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