I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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