Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
