last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
