for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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