dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
