I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
