You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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