I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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