Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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