i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I looked at my own cervix.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
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