i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize