mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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