I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
