Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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