I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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