this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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