I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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