at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
