So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
