onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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