I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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