Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
