OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
