you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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