My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
