I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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