love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
