im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All the doctor said was why
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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