she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
