So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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