I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
