I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
