There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
