there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This is the high leading the old right now
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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