Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
