is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
