apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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