i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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