Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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