burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm both gender and math confused
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
