i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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