either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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