Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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