That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
