you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
