So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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