Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
