I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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