Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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