She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
