you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
