how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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