On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
