Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
