Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
