based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
