Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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