so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
