You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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