just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
