Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
