I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
